Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What is better?

I am feeling pretty lonely these days. I have some great friends who like to keep tabs on me, but the fact remains that so many people in my life seem unphased. Mostly, it is my family, that has seemed to ignore the fact that i just lost another baby. I know everyone knows, but i have not heard anything from the majority of my family.
So i wonder, is it better to feel alone and abandoned by people that are supposed to care the most? Is it better that i dont get an email, a text message, or a phone call, and that everyone pretends this didnt happen? Or is it better for me to receive a phone call, text or email, with someone expressing concern, but says totally the wrong thing?
My Mom tells me often that no one will talk to me, because no one knows what to say. I understand that, but what about just saying, " I am sorry your baby died" " i am sorry you are going thru this again" or simply " i dont know what to say"
I am already dreading the holidays. I am dreading family gatherings. I am dreading the lonliness that goes with holidays, when someone you love is missing. I am dreading people ignoring my pain. The pain that every mother feels, every minute of her life, if she is forced to bury her baby.


  1. I do feel what you are saying. I wish I had answers to this as well. I know that we do not know each other. Beth gave me your blog. I would love to talk with you more. I lost my daughter the day before her due date six months ago.

  2. I am so sorry that you are unsupported by your family. This is not the time for them to pull away, even if it is because they "do not know what to say". Family doesn't need to say anything at all. A hug, a pie, taking the other children out for ice cream to allow you a quiet moment...

  3. I stumbled across your blog & all I can say is I care. I hurt with you. I mourn all your sweet babies & cried reading your posts. If I could find you I would hug you so tight. I have my Isaac & Hannah Joy in Heaven too. I know all too well about people acting as though nothing happened. Well, something huge happened. I'm so sorry for the hurt you're going through & I'm gonna be prayin for you.

  4. I read your story on faces of grief and I too am from Arizona. When I lost my son in March of 09 my family acted the same way. They were supportive for about a month and after that, they acted like it didn't happen. To this day my mother refuses to talk about my son and it hurts almost as bad as losing him. Please know that while your family may not be there for you, there are tons of moms out there just like you that are here for you to talk to, vent to, or just lean on. We are all here. Big hugs.