I am feeling pretty lonely these days. I have some great friends who like to keep tabs on me, but the fact remains that so many people in my life seem unphased. Mostly, it is my family, that has seemed to ignore the fact that i just lost another baby. I know everyone knows, but i have not heard anything from the majority of my family.
So i wonder, is it better to feel alone and abandoned by people that are supposed to care the most? Is it better that i dont get an email, a text message, or a phone call, and that everyone pretends this didnt happen? Or is it better for me to receive a phone call, text or email, with someone expressing concern, but says totally the wrong thing?
My Mom tells me often that no one will talk to me, because no one knows what to say. I understand that, but what about just saying, " I am sorry your baby died" " i am sorry you are going thru this again" or simply " i dont know what to say"
I am already dreading the holidays. I am dreading family gatherings. I am dreading the lonliness that goes with holidays, when someone you love is missing. I am dreading people ignoring my pain. The pain that every mother feels, every minute of her life, if she is forced to bury her baby.