after experiencing an emotional blow, this weekend, with the news of a baby due, 3 days after i was due, and learning i will have to face this person, this holiday season, and stare at her belly for 4 days, it has come to me that i need to get away, NOW. I am struggling just to breathe. I have been in constant panic, since sunday. I need to relax before i go to the doctor on monday. I need to spend time away from TV and Computers, and people who just dont get it. I need to run, far away. However, i also know that i cant run forever. though it would be nice.
I am trying to plan a camping trip for my family. It is stressful how much work goes into a camping trip, but I know it will be a nice and peaceful time while i am away.
I am so filled with emotions these days. Today someone from church stopped by, and it was so nice to have a surprise visitor. She is so compassionate, and i am so glad that she has the calling she has. I dont think she will know, what her visit meant to me. It was nice to visit with a sincere soul, who was not trying to rush me over this. I cried a little while she was here, and a lot after she was gone. Her visit really just touched me. I guess, it was the first time, in about 2 weeks, i didnt feel alone.
Now i am left to decide if i go to church tonight or not. I really want to take the enrichment classes that are offered tonight, but i dont want to talk to anyone. My plan, if i do go, is to walk in 15 min late, and cut out 15 min early. That way i can learn, but i dont have to talk. I dont want to talk, and i dont want my presence at church to be seen as i am "over it".
I really need to get away. I hope this happens for me.