Last night, we decided on names for the baby. It feels more real, now that there is a boy and a girl name, and instead of saying the baby, i can say the names instead. I am really happy with the names, and the meaning of the names. They seem perfect. On July 12, we will go in, and meet with our doctor, and find out, for sure, if baby was a boy or girl.
I am hoping to find some more peace, with the appointment. I am hoping to have definite answers, as to why the baby died. I am hoping to get some help with my feelings of utter despair. I am walking around in a fog, and i am struggling to do everything i need to do. I feel pressured to put on a happy face. There is just so much going on in the world, my world, and I cant comprehend it all. It has only been about a week, though at times it seems like a year. And at times, it seems like just yesterday, i was feeling the baby move, within my womb.
I am hoping, when we finally know, and we can call baby by name, i might start to heal. For now, i am just sad, empty and confused.