Last night, i decided to heavily drug myself, in order to sleep. It worked. I went to bed around 11, and was still in bed at 9. I had some nightmares, and woke up soaking wet from sweat a few times, but at least i slept.
Today marks one week since my "procedure". seems surreal. Physically there is no sign of a pregnancy. I am done with my physical recovery. Emotionally there is a long way to go. I have a huge internal struggle, about what I need to do for my future. I know, That i want something good, to come from all these losses. Which is why i am recording, so many feelings. I know i want to look thru my journals, and my letters, i have written to my children. I know i want to find a way to help others. I feel compelled to compile, years of thoughts, tears, hopes, and fears, into a book, so i can share what i can gone thru with so many people. I am hoping this journey will be a positive one for me. I already know it will be emotional. I guess, i just feel, that for so many years, i have looked for information, and support for second trimster miscarriage, and stillbirth. There is so much information out there for early miscarriage, and a ton of information for late term stillbirth, but for those of us, that fall in between, there is not much out there. I have lost babies, both in the early first trimester, as well as mid, second trimester. Both are painful. Yet they are different. I hope, to help others, just like me. I have been a bereaved mother for many many years. Now i want to share my story, my journey with others. I know I am not alone, and I hope to help others know, they are not alone either.